Grief is the response we experience at the time of loss.
It’s the natural ping ponging of every possible feeling (emotional, physical, behavioural and cognitive) people go through.
And it’s messy.
As captured by Beth Erlander in her diagram below when she was on a grief trajectory.
There are way more feelings than shown that someone grieving may experience – too many to list here.
However, it’s okay to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel.
It’s all part and parcel to the adjustment taking place because the loved one is no longer with us. And how or what living with the loss will look like into the future.
Getting on with daily life as you knew it when your thoughts, feelings, actions and events are focused on your grief and hurt, is often disrupted.
Therefore, a further ping ponging rebuild occurs.
Time spent on reminiscing, yearning, crying for the deceased becomes shared with time spent on activities not associated with grieving, e.g. cooking, childcare, tending to everyday chores, doing exercise, going out with friends, etc.
It’s a vital part of carrying on with some aspect of normality.
Many people describe grief as ‘Coming in Waves’, often at the most unexpected times and in the most unexpected places. It’s not uncommon. It’s part of the healing process. Gradually over time, the grief overwhelm intensity will decrease, the peaks will shorten.
Because as messy as grief is, it’s a passage, not a place to stay.
Author unknown“If someone mattered to you in life, they’ll continue to matter to you after they die.
Time will allow you to find a different way to relate to them”.
Footnote: The ping ponging between grief and non-grief is attributed to The Dual Process Model (Stroebe and Schut, mid 1990s)
